I still have the books

Guardian Unlimited Books | News | First Arab Nobel laureate dies, aged 94

Within my library, the number of Naguib Mahfouz books (8) ranks second, just after C.S. Lewis (10) and right above Michel Foucault (7). Lewis, of course, reflects my Evangelical Protestant youth. Foucault, my wannabe intellecualism. Mahfouz reflects my long love of Arab culture, but also my love of good stories that feed my brain and soul.

During the summer of 1998 I decided it was high time for me to get myself a little more Naguib Mahfouz. I had already read Fountain and Tomb, which was short enough to complete during a flight from Portland to Oakland. And for Sociology of Religion in the Arab World at Georgetown we had to read Children of Geblawi, aka Children of the Alley, and it's been among my top five favorite books every since. But to really get Mahfouz, you have to read the Cairo Trilogy, and since I had a month and a half between summer and fall term, I spent a week or so with three generations of the Jawad family as Egypt went from British occupation to an independent, authoritarian state.

I find what makes Mahfouz such a great writer is exactly what the Nobel Prize committee found, namely that he is able to create characters and stories that are specific to a certain time and culture but are also remarkably universal. In Sayyid Ahmad Jawad I saw a turn of the century Arab patriarch as well as my decidedly American Midwestern stepfather. Mahfouz can juxtapose the banal - buying diapers - with the profound - death, revolution, and existentialism. He will use seemingly simple tales, as in Children of the Alley, to explore the essential issues of our time like the death of God or our penchant for endless war, without an ounce of pretension.

Yes, I used the present tense in the last paragraph. I know he's gone now. But I still have the books.

Al-Ahram, the leading Eyptian - and Arab - newspaper has many more reflections on Naguib Mahfouz. MoorishGirl also has some thoughts that you can read at her blog or in The Nation.

If my soul were a room...

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or even a completely different life. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. Your feet may be on the ground, but your head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as a bit small and insignificant. People pay more attention to you than you think. Your near future is likely to be filled with great successes and accomplishments. You just need to figure out how to get there. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Hmm...people pay more attention than I think, eh? The people who don't show up on my StatCounter figures?

A disabled person's job title

It's that time of year when I have to be re-evaluated for food stamps and subsidized disabled housing. Basically, it involves filling out paperwork and putting together various documents and medical receipts. Keeping organized records throughout the year obviously makes the process a bit easier. You know, all part of living my non-stop vacation of fun, fun, fun as a person on disability!

For the last year since I had to drop out of school, I've been trying to decide how to respond to that frequent question: "what do you do?" In my profile, I list "hermit" as my occupation. And aside from my brief interaction with Meals on Wheels on weekdays, isolation is my general daily habit when A. is England (where he's flying to as I write). At least when I'm not getting my INR checked. Or a CT scan of my lungs. Or my coccyx x-rayed. Or various acupuncture points needled. Or visiting with my internist. Or a cardiologist. Or a urologist. Or a neurologist.

So, I've decided that perhaps my occupation really is "disability benefits paperwork specialist" and "health care practioner quality assessor."

We interrupt this pause to bring you more blogging

Sorry to be so quiet this last week. My body has been positively bi-polar lately. Either I've been in excruciating pain or I'll feel pretty good and get into my anal retentive cleaning mood. At the moment I'm getting ready to go to the doctor with a timeline of my last two years of pelvic/low back pain/infection hell and a plea to do something damnit!

Blogwise, I've been piling up all sorts of articles that I've wanted to talk about, so I'll start off with this interesting one about Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report, i.e. the guy who gave a less than flattering speech about Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Apparently, Colbert is a devout Catholic and can quote Shakespeare at the drop of a hat. Go figure.

At any rate, hope to get back to regular blogging soon.

Being useful

Okay, after the last post, it's time for something a bit more uplifting. Like, say, getting my yearly progress report from my World Vision child.

When I first started sponsoring S. in 1998, she was just this cute little six-year old girl with a nervous smile. Now she's fifteen years old and in high school. Her newest picture is one of a confident, beautiful young woman.

What was really exciting for me was the list of things that my sponsorship provided for her over this last year: medical care, school outings, a Christmas gift. My measly $30 a month does all that, as well as help pay for her school.

Three and a half years ago a Social Security judge ruled that I was entitled to disability benefits based in large part on the testimony of a vocational expert who stated that because of my illness there was no job in the national economy I could do. On a practical level I was so relieved as I would finally be able to have a steady income and housing and medical benefits after being essentially homeless for a year. Yet on a spiritual level it was terribly disheartening as basically the state had deemed me useless.

But for my dear S. I'm useful. And in a very important way.

And I'm so very grateful.

"Every thought has contained the word 'won't'"

As well as being a stupid war, this recent Israel-Lebanon war was so very, very sad. All death is tragic, but there were two stories that left the proverbial lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

The first was the story behind this photo:

(Photo from WhyLebanon.net as a good photo from the The Guardian isn't really available.)

Guardian journalist Clancy Chassay explained

I have seen many dead people in Lebanon these past weeks, but there was something particularly painful about this picture, amid the endless stream of upsetting images: the baby was very new, very small, and he or she - it was not obvious which - lay dead in the arms of what must surely have been its mother. All that could really be seen of the woman was one battered hand, adorned with a wedding ring, clutching the baby tight...

Selwa Wehbe was 28 when she was killed. She died alongside her husband, Ali, their 13-day-old daughter, Waad, and their two sons, seven-year-old Hussein, and nine-year-old Hassan. What could not be seen in that photo on the Guardian's front page was that the two boys died clinging to Selwa's body.

That, George Bush, is what war is about. Moments of utter horror. Little boys clinging to their mommies and mommies clinging to their babies and everyone praying that God will please, please have mercy.

The second item was the news that novelist David Grossman, the one I mentioned in this post, lost his son while he was serving in the Israeli army in southern Lebanon. Just a week before, Grossman, along with fellow authors Amos Oz and A.B. Yehoshua, had pleaded with the Israeli government to pursue diplomacy rather than war. Maybe it's just because as a writer Grossman is able to articulate better the pain of losing a child, but it's hard to read his thoughts and not weep.

"For three days now, almost every thought has contained the word "won't". He won't come, we won't talk, we won't laugh. The boy with the ironic glance and the wild sense of humour won't be there any more ... We won't watch The Simpsons and Seinfeld together, we won't listen to Johnny Cash with you. We won't feel your powerful embrace, we won't see you walking and talking to Jonathan with enthusiastic gesticulations, we won't see you hug your beloved Ruthi...

[Uri] was the very essence of the type of Israeliness I would like to see, the type which has almost been forgotten. He was a person with values. This word has become debased ... because in our mad, cruel and cynical world it is "uncool" to have values, to be a humanist or to be truly sensitive to another's distress, even if that other is your enemy on the field of battle."

There ARE other options than war. You know, like, diplomacy. Israel announced after the cease-fire went into effect that they were willing to negotiate regarding a prisoner exchange of Israeli and Hizbullah soldiers. If they had just done that in July rather than foolishly believing that they could win "Iran: The Prequel," if Hizbullah would have just used the UN to get their prisoners back from the Israelis rather than a cross-border raid, the Wehbe family and Uri Grossman and a thousand other people would still be alive.

Somehow we have got to convince -- demand -- that the White House engage in politics rather than bullying. And sure as hell make certain that this delusional group of cowboys don't go head on into "Lebanon II: Tehran."

Yet another gloat about Portland

BBC NEWS | Programmes | Newsnight Home | Where the car is not king

(Hat tip to Loaded Orygun)

I am blessed to live in a city where we actually grassed over a freeway to put a park. And even the BBC is taking note.

Incredibly for a city in the world's most car dependent nation, they're eradicating over 62 million car trips a year, which means car use is growing at the slowest rate anywhere in the United States.

Yup. We have light rail that delivers you literally right under the ticket counter at the airport. We have free public transport in the city center (Fareless Square). We have more Flexcar vehicles available per capita than any other city. Bicycle Magazine named us the best city to cycle in.

In other words, we kick ass in the public transportation area.

Though as A. was reading this article he said that if Jeremy Paxman, Newsnight's intimidating host famed for badgering his guests with snide questions, was interviewing Portland, he'd be all "you call your public transportation the best but you get on the streetcar for free then it suddenly isn't free - so, is it free or isn't it? Why not extend Fairless Square?"

Fair question. Though it's not like Richard Branson has made train travel a delight in Britain.

Actually, my favorite quote from the BBC show was in regard to our greenhouse gas emissions:

The benefits of a car-free diet for public health and the environment are huge. At a time when greenhouse gas emissions America wide have risen by 13%, in Portland they're down to pre 1990 levels. Here they've got an eye on global issues and are responding with local answers.

Whenever conservatives try to argue that reducing green house emissions is going to be detrimental to the economy, Portland has always answered back with a resounding bullshit. We've managed to reduce our emissions at the same time as our economy has grown (though the dotcom bust has been rocky). It just takes a little commitment and creativity.

It's funny because my mom's new husband can't understand why I like living in the city rather than the suburbs, while I can't understand why anyone would want to live somewhere that requires you to spend a lot of time in a car. How could you not want to live in the middle of the city where you can walk to the grocery stores, farmer's market, post office, light rail to the airport and church, movie theatres, restaurants, and parks? And when you need a car, Flexcar is always around. Suburubs just don't have that.

Okay, one last thing to gloat about Portland: we're the number one most sustainable city.

Alrighty. I'll shut up now.

Thick-as-two-blocks-of-wood

Juan Cole at Informed Comment:

"It was such a stupid war. It was thick-as-two-blocks-of-wood strategy on all sides. It was moronic for the Israelis to plan it out last year. It was idiotic for Hizbullah to cross over into Israel, kill soldiers, and take two captive. It was brain dead for the Israeli officer corps and politicians to think they could get anything positive out of bombing Lebanon back to the stone age and making a million people homeless. It was dim-witted for Hasan Nasrallah to threaten Israelis with releasing poison gases from Haifa chemical plants on them. It was obtuse for the Israelis to confront a dug-in guerrilla movement with green conventional troops marching in straight lines. It was dull of Hizbullah to fire thousands of katyushas into open fields where they mainly damaged wild grass. The few times when the rockets managed to kill someone, it was often an Arab Israeli civilian. Stupid."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Even my laptop freaked out...

Yesterday when I went to watch Amy Goodman interviewing Sy Hersh, my computer over-heated and promptly shut itself off. And after watching/reading the interview, I can see why.

Donald Rumsfeld has become the voice of reason in the White House! Elliot Abrams, aka SuperDick from Iran-Contra is now running US foreign policy. Condi Rice has been Colin Powell-ed. And though last year Dick Cheney seemed to have been banished to attending funerals and hanging out at Number One Observatory Circle in keeping with his role as vice-president, Darth Vader has returned with a vengeance.

Britain also has crazy people in charge. The Indy reported yesterday that Blair and company have "created more than 3,000 new criminal offences during its nine-year tenure, one for almost every day it has been in power." Next thing you know, Tony will want to replace tourists with unruly teenagers in the London Dungeon.

About the only thing right in the world is that Heather won Hell's Kitchen on Monday. Seriously, Virginia herself admitted that she couldn't even manage a vegetable station, much less an entire kitchen.

And damnit, I just needed to see someone competent win for once.

Phone companies: minions of the Devil

Yes, I know. I've been bitching a lot about phone companies. But --

Oh.

My.

Gawd.

After the hell I just went through with Vonage, you will not believe what phone-company hell I just barely managed to avert -- hopefully.

There was a curious, large envelope in the mail today from Working Assets (best known for its role as the villain in this rant), the phone company through which I had long distance before switching to Vonage in late June. I was about to chuck it out with the rest of the junk mail except that it said "service confirmation form inside." Service confirmation? I cancelled my service.

I open it up and indeed there's a letter dated August 8th stating "welcome to Working Assets Long Distance..." and at the bottom a "Service Confirmation Form" along with all the other stuff in its "welcome" packet.

WTF?

So I call Working Assets. Find my way through the voice menu. Get placed on hold, during which time I read Sy Hersh's article over at the New Yorker about Lebanon as a template for a future war with Iran (and it's a long article too). Eventually a perky woman with a Minnesotan accent answers. After telling her that I just received a welcome letter when in fact I had just cancelled my service at the end of June, she looks at my record and then explains that when someone cancels service, the Computer sends out letters asking you to come back, what didn't you like about their service, etc. BUT sometimes the Computer goes too far and re-signs people back up.

Excuse me? Have the computers at Working Assets developed artificial intelligence? Are they using H.A.L from Space Odessey 2001, A. asked?

Perky Minnesota Woman apologized profusely and said that she has now closed my account completely. Hopefully it's more completely than it was in June.

I think the FCC is going to hear about this one.

Forget about Syria and Iran. The Axis of Evil is Qwest, Vonage and Working Assets.

Okay, I'm sure Verizon and Sprint and AT&T and all the rest are just as evil too.

Blogkeeping

I've been meaning to overhaul this blog for well over a year, and at the very least, have needed to update my blogroll. As you can see, no overhaul yet, but I did manage to update the blogs on the right. Don't know that you, dear readers, will be all that affected one way or another, but it is helpful for my personal blog surfing.

However, should you choose to wander through the sidebar, you will find some great reading. And as of today, there's not a bad link in the bunch!

My Joy is back

My caregiver, Joy, that is.

The County voted to refund Multnomah Project Independence for Fiscal Year 2007, though not at the same level as this last year. Which means I only get Joy twice a month. But hey, I'll take what I can get.

I'm also starting to feel a little bit better after another round of infection that acted just like a urinary tract infection but this time wasn't. Something appears to be infected down there but God only knows what at this point. And my GP and I sure wish He'd let us all in on the secret.

Hopefully over the next couple of days I can get back to blogging a bit more. There's been so much I've been wanting to write about CFIDS, Hizbullah and life in general.

In the meantime I will direct your attention to Cort Johnson's brilliant site, CFS Phoenix, and in particular his 2005 Year In Review of CFIDS research. Cort is great at summarizing very complex medical research in a way that is still specific but not so technical that a layman or woman can't get the general idea of what's going on.

And reading the review this afternoon almost left me giddy with what researchers are finding (or was that the caffeine in the Earl Gray?). It just feels like we're almost at the tipping point where researchers are finally going to get a real handle on what's going on. Sure, we've been saying that for twenty years or so. And CFIDS is proving to be far, far more complex than anybody ever expected. But, well, I can't help but feel excited, even if it may be premature.

Finally

After 43 days since signing up with Vonage -- including no internet connection this weekend and no dial tone this afternoon -- I can finally make and receive calls.

If there are no more problems, then maybe my free calls to the UK will be worth a month and a half of phone hell.

Guess what I got in the mail...

Speaking of being a dissatisfied customer, I got a survey from Oregon Health Science University Hospital asking me to rate my care during my emergency room visit of May 31.

He he he. With pleasure.